In search of oneness

Often in marriage we are constantly learning what it means to be “one” with our “other half”. I remember in our first year of marriage Rich and I made an agreement that we would phone or text each other before spending any amount over £5. Looking back it seems a litttle excessive but we made the agreement after my trouser addiction came into the light. I was regularly buying a pair of trousers, “storing” them in our room for a while without telling Rich and then pulling them out at a time I wanted to wear them. Clearly if our marriage was to succeed I couldn’t continue stashing trousers away without telling Rich! I needed some accountability, and I needed to realise my vows: “All that I am I give to you, all that I have I share with you.”

“I” was no longer “I”. “We” were “we”. And that meant that “my” money was no longer mine. It was “ours”. So the text/phone agreement gave clear boundaries for both of us to be accountable to the other. The agreement lasted a few months. By that time we had established a foundation and a pattern for our marriage; we no longer needed the firm boundaries because we had established the foundation of trust and accountability.

Ten years on and the need for oneness continues. The challenges are different. Right now our challenge is to remain as “one” in ministry. Our heart is to always reflect God together, as “one”. Although we may do different things, and have different callings we have never wanted to have “Anna’s ministry” or “Rich’s ministry”. Even in the times where Rich is a more “visible” presence than me we have always felt that what he communicates represents both of us. Likewise when I write something, or I disciple someone, it is the fruit of our oneness together in Christ. Maybe one day our roles will look very different but our heart is to continue to be “one”.

Sometimes when Rich travels it can be harder to hold on to this. When he recently returned from a trip to Australia someone sent me an encouraging text which said “Well done, you did it. Frontiers were won because you released him. It’s your ground too.”

To me, that little text summarized oneness:

Your ground is my ground. Your victories are my victories. Your people are my people. Your joy is my joy. Your sorrows are my sorrows. Your life is my life. Your God is my God.

How about you? – what does oneness look like for you?

posted by anna

3 thoughts on “In search of oneness

  1. I love that text you received: “frontiers were won because you released him”. Not that you wouldn’t have done but that’s such a great way to look at it. Richard and I will benefit from taking this forward into the next season of our lives.


  2. Anna, I’ve just read your blog via Lucy’s link on FB. Reading your comments regarding oneness reminds me of Mum and Dad. As you know, Dad was very visible and full of passion for his work but without Mum, being there, his anchor and rock, in the background, he wouldn’t have been able to do everything he did. Keep it up, Anna.


    • Thank you for your encouragement Ruth. Your parents were a great team who set a wonderful example to many, and your dad left an amazing legacy. I have great admiration for your mum- she is an incredible lady. Love to your family. X


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